The Divine Androgyne(s)
Androgynes. GenderQueers. Gender Non Binary. Gender Non Conforming. Transgender. There are many of us! All of us are at different points in our journey. I am lucky I got to start first, so I have lived a little longer, therefore having more time to arrive in my Divinely Lead Androgyne path. Thank Goodness cause I was way off track for a long while, that dark memory keeps me from going back. Cutting, suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, anxiety disorders, depression….the list goes on. Now I choose the path of the Androgyne, slightly reluctantly I accept the path of the Divine Androgyne.
What does that mean? Divinely lead? Divine? Well simply its all my gifts combined to offer all I have for the world, in an effort to bring the light into such dark times. I see it in everyone I meet, no matter who they are. Interestingly, I see it very brightly in Gender Variant people. At times I see them shining in their light or beginning to step into it. The more they love themselves, have compassion for themselves, and begin to step up into their most passionate activities they shine more and more. Like there is a shining star trying to come out from their deepest center, shining through their best talents & strengths. When they are sad its like they are sitting there staring down at their dirty sneakers while a shiny star seems to be hidden under fear, shame, depression, anxiety, all the confusion and emotions that come along with gender dysphoria. Usually at some point, it feels like we just MUST stand up and ask for a recognition as a gender variant person…..but times passes and sometimes we get it, often we don’t. We have to fight and sometimes that fight feels endless, like a bottomless pit of gender binary. This is the oppression, its what keeps us “following the gender norms” even though we feel like its just not us! We fake it, we hide it, we are ashamed of it, its scary to be different, who would choose this? It’s not a choice to be born gender variant, we are all valid alive and amazing beings. Why me?
My own experience has brought me to a place of understanding about living and breathing both genders, EVERYDAY and EVERY MOMENT. Its the most peaceful place I have been and when I am able to hold the balance there my depression, anxiety, self harm habits, shame and the rest of the confusing gender dysphoria evaporates. It didn’t always, I had to change my mind about a lot of things first. I had to change what I thought of myself, what I felt myself about gender norms, and some other internal work. Now though I hear it calling me in the wind! I feel like I can help many gender variant people emotionally, yes, but also spiritually. Honestly, I have resisted this for 2 years, I often find myself the Reluctant Shaman, little known fact about me. (I been called that a few times)
I am reluctant for good reasons. Look at our culture it is oozing with cults and people telling us how to get closer to god or a higher spiritual being. There are 1000’s of churchs where I am sure someone would be happy to instruct you in the fine art of prayer. There are millions of books telling you who god is and how to stay connected to this divine being. Then there some other books that say its within each of us or in nature. All of these books have messages that are helpful and some of them, well we could do without the shaming first of all. Then of course there are events and festivals to help you along your path, some of them less corrupt then others. There are little square boxes with quotes all over our social media meant to help us get closer to our higher selves. Music to wake up our consciousness. Nothing wrong with these tools but honestly I see the struggle of gender variant people. Considering we are surrounded by binary culture then of course our religions are mostly binary, even Wicca. There is no path that serves us really fully, although the Radical Faeries have done well for Transwomen. Most of us end up, at some point in our 30’s usually, connecting to a higher spiritual being – ALONE! There is nothing wrong with this, its just not the only choice. I know my own experience could have been enhanced if I had known me as a younger person. It took me many explorations and struggles with groups until I finally found a spiritual perspective that at least seen the gender bend in ALL OF US! Later I will use some of that wisdom to help myself develop this book and guide. I just hope that maybe I could type all this that seems to be trying to find an outlet, here, on DiversiTree.org As this vision develops I want to do my best to put some parts here. Maybe its my scared self wanting to be sure its okay….The need for love and acceptance is in all of us.
I see the path of the Divine Androgyne and some part of me, likely my ego, wants to see it help people. I find that my spiritual path has really helped me deal with the emotional roller coaster of the gender dysphoric lifestyle. I don’t know if it will help everyone, but maybe even if I was able to just help a couple. We all want to do something in the world to help others, its when we think our way is the only way is when that behavior is a problem. We are all living beings on this world and we all know our human skins require a few things like food, water, safety, sleep…. most of us have this. If you don’t I suggest doing all you can to find a way to change it. Apparently many of us feel lonely, lost, anxious, depressed, and so on. So what else do we need? Most beings in the human skin greatly benefit from a spiritual practice of some kind. There are 100’s of examples why in the world and I won’t bother to prove that fact now. If you resonate with feeling like you need some sort of spirituality in your life, then I encourage you to explore it, regardless if you do it alone or with others.
Ok so we all need spirituality but really the religions I was taught as a child were not spiritual. That’s not what I am talking about, that is just a human reflection of spirituality. Spirituality is an intimate relationship with ourselves as divine creatures, naturally amazing, with the center of our soul radiating from us to love ourselves and the world. I am talking about that amazing being inside all of us that senses energies, that knows what is about to happen next, that feels what others feel – the part of us that reads astrology, picks out a Tarot card, that says a prayer in our worse moments, and that cries for the earth. We all have it, somewhere in there. Gender Variant people seem to have it radiating inside them like the sun is rising! I feel the shift as the light shines bright from a generation of gender variant people. People that are learning very young to love themselves, to honor themselves just as they are. This generation is entitled! THAT’S RIGHT! Entitled to HUMAN RIGHTS, a CLEAN PLANET, and LOVING COMMUNITIES and everything else they are fighting for right now. I stand with them. I am so grateful and proud of them. I get goosebumps when I think how amazing the next several generations are, how they are so advanced and so ready to change things! I felt my personal generation was way to easy going and complacent, frankly we put up with a lot of shit and do very little about any of it, hence our current presidency. Most of us don’t even live by our own values and our shamans are mostly corrupted by money and power, so we don’t trust most of them, either! These are truly dark times we have found ourselves in. The Dark Ages is what happen last time the planets aligned this way.
I have sat and visited with a variety of spiritual beings and I have concluded that they all have the same message, in the end. Simply, live and breathe your passions and life will work out just as it should. Live and breathe your passions and you will change things in the world. Really? Seriously? How could I have an effect on the world? ME? Who the hell am I? One of my teachers told me that and I thought he was NUTS! I mean for me to find a way to live and breathe all I feel passionate about seemed out of this world. Frankly, I wasn’t sure how I was gonna get through the next few hours, days or weeks. Being myself meant non-conforming and that is scary and sometimes lonely. I figured well “What do I have to lose I am in my early 30’s and if there was ever a time, now is it.” So I started answering that questions “Who the hell am I?” I have arrived 10 years later as a Divine Androgyne. Sometimes I feel late, as I read through Tumblr postings, an online community mostly under 30yo now. I notice how they love each other, regardless of non-conforming behaviors. This was unheard of when I was 15-25, seriously it could mean death. Now though, its like your blessed! I see 1000’s of gender expressions and discussion about how to love gender variant people. I am not late, I am perfectly on time. I realize that yes, my journey is different, but I had it because of the messages I carry today.
Feeling the connection to this younger generation is my Man self, the boy that rose up out of the woman. I lived a full life as a woman – daughter – sister – wife – mother – sacred slut. Then at 30yo I began to wake up to myself, before I was living what everyone told me would make me happy, what would fill my life. Then I began to look inside and I realized that I was transgender. I explored hormones and still think about it sometimes. I dream of being rid of the experience of a man trapped in a woman’s body, this is what gets me depressed. Then as I pray I get the message simply that I was meant to live fully as a woman before and then bend gender. This is all perfectly unfolding and I realize that my “Boy” is now a “Man” in his late 20’s. Who is now coming through a midlife change. As reflected in some of my old blogs on “Do I have to Choose?”, the man in me that began exploring the internet about gender over 10 years ago is now being transformed into a book about my gender bent experience. I decided to instead of hiding myself away in the binary system I insist on recognition in my communities. I ask for my pronouns 100 times if I gotta, frustrating as it can be. I try to understand that EVERYONE is learning to get out of the binary and I am 10years ahead of them, this keeps me peaceful about it. I am grateful for the young generation that totally just loves me up, just the way I am, gender neutral pronouns and ALL! I love all of you!
The Divine Androgyne is the experience of living and breathing both genders, all the time, every day, and completely. There are 1000’s of us and we are here for a reason, you see? You sense it don’t you? You know that holding this balance in ourselves is difficult and the struggle in itself is what makes it a Divine experience. Nature didn’t make Seahorses to be DIFFERENT, they are here to prove to us that gender bending is natural. WE MUST bend the gender norms in our world. We must push against this deep oppression so the entire world can evolve into the loving place we all know we all DESERVE. I know each and every single one of you are here for a reason, cis gendered people have paths, too, but they have already spent years working on it all. Paths for women, paths for men – this men’s group and Red Tent for women! Thank goodness because for sure healing is needed in those areas, for sure. I just think the androgyne ALSO has a message and its rarely heard. Some spiritual paths have already figured out that when we live and breathe both genders in one self, then we are being our highest most spiritual selves. Some of the paths actually practice it in their rituals, many progressive wiccans do it. They try to embody both, at least throughout the ritual. What I see though is that when you live and breathe it, both genders in one being (even if one of the genders is only physical – our culture still makes you live some of the experience of that gender) and in THAT is our gift. We often see it as a curse or mental illness or some other bullshit we label, drug and tuck away in a drawer. The curse of “being in the WRONG BODY” There is nothing WRONG with you! I am saying FUCK THAT! There is nothing wrong with your Gender? There is nothing wrong with you!! In fact what you are seeing is your divine amazing self that should be shared with the world! We all have different ways of sharing our most bright selves and many cis men and women share their messages every day. Where are the gender variant people? Where are the transgender people? Where is their wisdom?
Your Gender experience is a gift for the world. I pray you bring it so we can evolve, NOW IS THE TIME! I pray you will ALL be the heroes your meant to be. I see all the Divine Androgyne Peaceful Warriors in our world and I am hoping to reach you via this publication or some other way. Send me a message, inspire me, tell me what your doing. Bring your struggle to me, I will listen and understand. I will validate your experience. I want to just offer you a hand to speed the process, hopefully you don’t have to suffer as long as I did. Remember though, the suffering is the gift in the end, because your perspective shifts.