Engaging Through Conflict: Tools for the Win-Win
Hollis Taylor reviews the book “Engaging Through Conflict: Tools for the Win-Win” By Leah R. Kyaio, M.Ed
Conflict is everywhere in our modern world! We can find it conflict among old people, young people, rich and poor people. It doesn’t seem to matter who you are, we all experience conflict. This is no secret to any of us, but most of us have very little conflict resolution skills. I have personally been through some sensational training to help empower people and in that a big focus is conflict resolution. Since conflict shows up everywhere it should be taught everywhere. I am always open to ways of learning and teaching conflict resolution as I am aware of the power it can bring to relationships, families, communities and business relationships.
Honestly, I was initially intrigued by the title of this book. When I seen Leah post it on facebook as published and available I thought it would be a great book to add to my resources. I was honored to write a review since my respect runs deep for Leah R. Kyaio. I know she is part of the LGBTQ community, I find her deeply engaged and conscious in our modern world. Plus, I love to support and help people if I can. I know the author spiritually and am aware of her presence, respect and divine path. I have been impressed with this ladies ability to help sort out conflict in a very respectful positive healing way. You can see her teachings directly reflected in her children as well.
This book was fantastic about framing conflict, how it arrives and all the different ways in which people deal with it. I found it most helpful with Chapter 8 because in my experience once we understand each other, its simpler to resolve conflict. I find that for someone that truly wants to resolve conflict, they are willing to compromise, after an understanding happens. Once we take a moment out of our own egotistical perspectives and take a look at the other persons perspective we easy to find a solution. This is the part that feels like the mountain to me.
For instance when we begin to educate people about the other side of war, such as the perspective of the average Muslims, where they do not support self sacrifice through suicide. These people that are creating violence are not the same people that walk the streets of Afghanistan. What we must understand is that those creating violence, even in extreme versions like Hitler, that all of us want one thing. All beings want Peace, Love, & Happiness for themselves and those they love. Once we truly understand that we can get to a compassionate place and then simply understand that this person wants the SAME THING! Then if we take the time to understand each other we can then spread peace instead of the violence that plagues our world today. The most disgusting thing in our world today is the violence spread by humans to other beings including our host planet, Earth.
This book clearly helps us get to that moment of understanding. When we can see the other person’s perspective and then have compassion. Actions that are then driven by our inner knowing and hearth chakra lead to compromise and resolution. Compromise is easier when you understand the other perspective. This book helps us learn the steps it takes to understand each other. It also intends for everyone to win in the end. Finding a solution where everyone wins creates an extra special reward. Not only do we get the part that was important to us personally in the conflict but also we can feel good about the transaction, regardless of what it was.
Again, we are back to the understanding that no one WANTS conflict, at least in most cases. Most people are willing to end it, especially if they win in some way. Finding win/win ways to resolve conflicts is most beneficial to the entire world. The more we practice this type of conflict resolution the easier it becomes, leading us into bigger and bigger resolutions. Maybe someday we can even arrive at peace among all beings. This book is excellent for anyone looking to improve their skills on conflict resolution.
The format of this book makes it easy for the average reader to comprehend. I found the book to be simple and to the point. I appreciated the ease of reading, simplicity of complicated reasoning, and the directness of the entire book. This book would also be helpful for those that find reading more challenging as it can easily be taken in small pieces. Great for youth and adults working with youth.
I was happy to ask Leah a few questions about her book.
Hollis: Who did you write the book for?
Leah: This book is written for those who need a way to frame and negotiate conflict that allows for continuation of or entrance to a meaningful relationship. That could be leaders, teachers, intimate or business partners, family members, communities… just about anyone.
Hollis: I know that you also use your dog for teaching in person about bullying, will you tell us more about that?
Leah: Since I have most recently retired Sam as my service companion, that component will need to be re-worked. Historically, he has been a great connection for students in particular.
Hollis: I know your a spiritual person….would you say that this book and your program about bullying is your divine path or spiritually inspired?
Leah: My divine path, so to speak, is to help heal relationships, how people think, and allow us all to “play nice in the sandbox” together. Within my own story and path I have learned much about oppression and the -isms and experienced and witnessed violence in ways that I wish to stop. I am solution-based, a visionary that believes in the best in all people. I also believe we develop from the inside to the outside and seek to find ways to support that natural process.
With a divine path like that I can’t help but feel grateful to know Leah. I have always been inspired by such a respectful and upfront person and as a fellow lesbian mother I have always felt a kinship. The solution-based person with a vision for peaceful conflict resolution is someone I want to support. Thank you Leah for making this available to our community.