Mabon – Harvesting the Fruits of our Labor
By Hollis Taylor
Today I am free from the restraints of mental illness, anger, violence, victimization, obesity, and gender disphoria. The days when was I lived for others has passed. I tried very hard to fill the shoes that were given to me by our culture – gender roles like woman, wife, mother and high priestess. I am grateful those days came and are now gone. Today, I am still a lot of those things but many more fruits have grown under the hard work of discovering who I am. Today I honor my female body and the womyn I am every month – the rest of the time I honor my divine masculinity that is both my mind and spirit. I am still a mother but it looks like that has now lead me to be a grandparent. I am no longer a wife, have been a husband, and am now simply an individual. Today I no longer stand in as a high priestess but more comfortably as a healer and peaceful warrior. I identify as a transman that will keep the female body I was born with. I am a twin spirit. Today, I am me and that feels dam good!
Mabon marks the beginning of the transition into winter. The autumn equinox is such a sweet colorful time of year. Many of us feel warm in our hearts for those closest to us and can feel fall’s wholesomeness in the cool breeze that makes the last of our summer days absolutely perfect. Food growers are harvesting the most beautiful of fruits this time of year and it reminds us of all the bounty of Mother Earth. What gifts are you harvesting right now? Have you celebrated the fruits of your labors? What are you grateful for?
Regardless of what traditions we choose to recognize most of us are harvesting right now. In my years past, this time of year lead to harvesting the delicious fruits from my garden, sharing them with community and uniting my family. This celebration brought values to my son’s table through growing his own food, learning to prepare it in a healthy way, sharing it with community, and celebrating family. Those years have passed now and I am grateful for the experience of being a mother to my child and the children in my community at that time. I love all the children that helped me learn gratitude and inspired me to learn with them. Although there were many beautiful pieces to my past there was also a darkness. A darkness over my head that tapped on my shoulder like a demon. All the scars from my past had tons of scar tissue – my emotional state and mental stability was questionable. I had a great poker face and tried not to burden others but eventually it became too much. I had tried to commit suicide from the age of 12 till I was over 30yo. My self hatred was reflected on the outside and often I was as cruel as the ones that abused me. I was safe about it later when I entered the BDSM culture – I am grateful for all the healing it brought me. That was only the beginning of my healing journey – because even when I didn’t want to die I ate till I was sick, I took dangerous risks, I laid in bed for days or partied for days. I did almost anything for money. My fat became part of my identity because it kept people away from the real me, it was my armor. Wow, a lot has changed since then. I have been through a major transition.
I lost 120lbs, shaved my head, became a drag king, moved across the country, changed my career, changed my perspective and began presenting as a natural transman. My transformation took me from a 260lb mother, wife, and woman in the community to a 140lb twin spirit, healer and peaceful warrior that considers themselves a world citizen. It has been 10 years through this journey and I am grateful for those that played a part in it. I have spent the last 10 years of my life healing the healer – looking inward – practicing yoga – transforming my lifestyle – listening to my inner guide – seeking improved health and loving myself. My son is now 22 and very much an independent man, with his own family to focus on. I trust him to follow his divine path. I also appreciate his empowerment for me to seek my divine path, after raising him at such a young age, I gave birth to him at 17. He gave me compassion before I gave it to myself. It seems all those lessons did actually mean something. Today he blesses my journey and loves me for living my life fully. As my son transitioned on his own journey I was blessed with a divine woman at my side. Through her support I discovered my masculinity and began to celebrate it rather than shame it. I embraced my sexuality in a way that helped me better understand real natural love. I ended my work in the sex industry and focused my work on bringing healing, love and peace to the world in other ways. I don’t hold shame about my work as a sacred slut – only that I am finished with it in that capacity. I now honor other sluts and support their healing journeys. Although she is no longer in my life the healing of freedom of self expression was her most precious gift, for that I am grateful.
Today I live my life fully and this Mabon I am giving gratitude for my journey. All parts of it, without judgement. All my choices and everything that was out of my control. Honoring my journey past, present and future. The abuse I endured in my past and the souls that held my hand in it are my angels. The present holds a deep mysterious pure love in my life and adventures of a lifetime with a woman that inspires me to be better than I thought I could be. Every single day of my life is blessed in so many ways I never knew life could be this good. I experience life fully now, more full than ever before. I harvest the fruits of my labor today because this past summer has validated that when I do my work, when I heal the healer, when I practice yoga, when I pay attention to my lifestyle, when I make healthy choices I am presented with a greatly improved life. Today, this path has lifted me in ways I never thought possible. The future holds many good things and after all I been through, dammit I deserve this! As I emerge from the hard working summer and head into the winter I recognize my need to harvest the fruits of my labor. If I don’t pat myself on the back and give compassion for my journey, no one else will either. Love yourself and allow it to be contagious….. give as much love to me as I have given to others. Now, I celebrate me by taking the time to do yoga, to feed my soul in nature, exercise, dance, or love freely. Today, I uplift the community around me by arriving authentically and celebrating their authenticity. Today, I am practicing the balance of the holistic life. For that I am grateful!